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Sunday, May 20th, 2007
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8:29 am - What a difference a few weeks can make.
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I'm going to church this morning. This is something that I do occasionally with my parents, but today we're going to the local church on our own. So what motivated me?
As I have probably stated here before, my philosophy in regards to medication for my depression was this: if it came to the point where it interfered with my work/school, I would start taking it again. Well, unfortunately things didn't quite work out that way. In mid-march I was forced to abruptly end my student teaching, one week shy of the halfway point. After almost breaking down in tears while in front of a class, I decided that there was no reason to keep torturing myself. Sure, the stress of teaching certainly brought things to a head much quicker than they would have naturally, but I do not feel that I could have proceeded in any other way. For now, I do not plan on finishing my music ed degree, as I feel that it is an unwise career choice for the kind of person I am. It's unfortunate that I had to discover this 6 years into my degree.
So, today is the day I would have been graduating. After dropping out once, and summoning the courage and will to come back. After struggling through 4 semesters and completing my awesome senior recital. I try to reassure myself that it hasn't been all in vain, that I learned a lot in those years and had valuable experiences.
My course of action once I withdrew from UMD was to at least support myself financially, and this is a goal I have achieved. Since late march I've been working as a temp for Manpower, at a local company called Cashbox. I do data entry, and for the moment it's a great fit - I can keep to myself, I'm always busy, and it's not a huge deal if I couldn't be there. Incidentally, I have not taken a single sick day. Now, because of this new cash flow, the decision was made to finally get a cat.
Sophie is WONDERFUL! She is social, playful, and loves to cuddle. She sleeps with us every night - I couldn't have asked for more in a cat. She makes it really easy for me to be in the apartment by myself, keeps me good company! Pictures can be found at www.flickr.com/photos/bartoneus . Since the weather has been nicer, Danny finally started to get into golf; this was something he felt he should do for business purposes. Well, now both of us are completely hooked. What a fanastic sport - so much mental discipline, and even the best players in the world are far from perfect. It gets us outside much more often, too, which was one of my new year's resolutions. Danny got an early birthday present of golf clubs, and I have inherited my late-grandmother-in-law's clubs - gotta start somewhere! We like to go to the driving range near my parent's house, and to the free golf course in walkersville at the heritige farm park - the grass is ridiculously high, but at least we can practice for free!
I started with Zoloft, and got good results, but not good enough. So, now I'm on Cymbalta. I feel myself actually being bouncy once in a while, and it's been a long time since that's happened without serious provocation. My appetite is gone, and I fear that my love affair with food will be severely diminished as long as I'm on the meds - 3 years this time, according to my doctor. It seems like a long time, but the goal is for the disease to be completely gone, and that's a goal I can get behind. Funnily enough, I have been having insanse cravings for sushi! Yeah, that's right, sushi. I guess it has something to do with simple and light tastes, but ohhhhh man, soooooo good. Too bad it's so expensive!!! I'm also particularly fond of the japanese seaweed salad - sounds dicey, but it has this delicious sesame oil on it, really really good.
My wonderful hubby and I are trying to figure out what to do for our first anniversary - we're leaning towards either Hershey Park or Busch Gardens. I'm rooting for the gardens, myself - haven't been there in a while, and he's never been! Either way, it should be loads of fun.
So, back to my original question: why am I going to church this morning? Well, not the simplest answer. I go because I am lost - for the first time since I can remember, I have no idea what to do with my career. I am not using my talents. I go because I need to trust in something greater than myself that everything is going to be alright. It is difficult for me to work towards advancing my career right now, so instead I'll work towards advancing myself - being a better person, focusing on serving god a bit more. My hope is that everything else will fall into place eventually. But I also go to give thanks - even though this entry started with a very difficult thing for me to write about, I also got to write about the many new and fun things that have come to me. Even though I'm not graduating today, I must focus on that which is positive - and there is so much positive.
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| Saturday, February 10th, 2007
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3:53 pm - 13 weeks to go until graduation...
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...at which point our heroine feels that things are different. This is (obviously) true in a lot of ways - new apartment, new class/job/internship/whatever, newlywed, etc., etc.
I'm currently afflicted with a cold that has a decent kick to it. That's pretty normal, it happens. What isn't normal is that I went in yesterday anyway, armed with meds and a good attitude. And it wasn't like I had to talk myself into it or anything, I just went. If I hadn't have gone, things would have been messed up for the chillins, unlike when I would be absent for a class. A few people have commented their disbelief (not in an offensive way) at this. It's funny, because I spent so much time stressing about my unfitness for the working world due to my lack of attendance-skills in college. Worrying really is a waste of time.
We painted an accent wall in the dining room last weekend, and it's one of the better decisions I've made. Corn-husk green is the color name, I think it's a pretty good description - it's a green that reminds me of August (but it goes perfectly with our watercolor cat posters).
Just in case you were wondering, btw - snow days for teachers are about a million times better than snow days for students.
So, I'm trying to lose some weight again. I haven't gained too much back since the wedding, but like most things, if you're not actively improving, you don't stay the same, you regress. My goal is a pound off a week until our anniversary, which would put me down to a sexalicious 150. Gotta get serious about eating better though, which is tough when my energy runs out at 4 PM. Really, it just means I need to plan the week's meals on the weekend, so that we don't resort to eat-out. That, and less snacking - I don't eat a ton during the day, just some cereal for breakfast and usually a nutri-grain for lunch (sometimes some soup). So as long as I can keep my resolve at dinner and in the evening, progress should/will be made.
Goal #2 is to save some razafrackin' money. Which will be helped along by not getting eat-out 4 nights a week. We cut back on a lot of things like comics, netflix and cable, but 10 bucks saved a month is blown pretty quickly by one run to Chick-fil-a.
We've been actually *gasp* doing things on Friday nights with people. Pretty awesome. The idea of a Frederick game night that involves more than one girl is forming, and I like it - better than going to a bar or pool hall and blowing cash, for sure.
V-day is Wednesday, and I'm excited to purchase my first card that says "Husband" on it. Believe it or not, this is a big step. Perhaps appropriately, I think I changed my name in the last place it needed to be done today. I'm sure there's some little places I've forgotten about, but in terms of the big ones, the bank was the last of 'em. I'm used to being called Mrs. Rupp at school now - kind of. The kids sometimes say "Mrs. Ruff" (sometimes intentionally, and sometimes not). I'm not sure how they would butcher Slawter, so I guess I shouldn't be too annoyed. Not sure where we're going or what we're doing on V day itself, I'd like to try something local though.
Alright, I'm even boring myself here, so toodles until next time.
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| Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
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10:48 pm - Movin' on up...
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...To the south side! ...of Frederick!! This weekend!
AND I start student teaching on Monday. I met with my mentor teacher this week to get myself a little oriented, and she informed me that January 31st is Dress-Like-a-Pirate day. Important stuff.
I've been pretty bored and lonely lately. I feel bad complaining though, since most people would kill to have a month off. Just my luck that I can't enjoy something that I crave normally.
We're ditching Comcast at the new place, in favor of DSL and rabbit-ears. I figure I won't have enough time to enjoy much Everday Italian for the next few months (at least) anyhow. The only drawback is that we're just finishing up the Season 2 DVDs of Battlestar Galactica, and now I won't be able to catch up on episodes via Sci-Fi. Which means I'll have to get my Lee Adama fix somewhere else :(
The Hubbyx0rz and I are doing well. I've been trying to let him have more time to do his own thing, and his response has been really positive, which only encourages me to let go even moreso. It'll be interesting to see how our relationship grows as I enter the world of the working - I'm just hoping I can keep up with making dinner. (At least we'll have Chipotle closeby!)
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| Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
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1:18 pm - Sad day
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RIP Pepper the Guinea Pig, 2003-2007. We will always remember your squeaks and excellent hair.
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| Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
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11:34 pm - Holy cow, Christmas Break!
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Wow, what a busy week. For a girl who considers herself fairly anti-social, I was out and about visiting people almost every day last week. Cocktail party, movie, dinners, dinner parties, new years parties, etc, etc, etc! Danny gave me an awesome book about cheese for Christmas, which includes a recipie for just about every variety I can find in the grocery store. So far, I've made a blue cheese and walnut spread, a pear and goat cheese salad, and used an idea from the book to top a wheel of brie with some cranberry chutney and chopped pecans - not too shabby! Much to my family's dismay, I had never tried a pear prior to that salad; unsurprisingly, they are wonderfully subtle and flavorful.
For Christmas in 2k5, my Aunt gave me a beautiful bowl that I only realized was a trifle dish a month or two ago. So, armed with viewing a few recipies on the internets and an episode of Giada's show where she made one, I concocted my own recipie, as I could not find one that had chocolate and raspberries both! The first time I used raspberry jam on top of the pound cake, but the second time I used raspberry syrup (the kind they sell in coffee shops), and that really provided the kick I was looking for. Also used fresh raspberries and lots of chocolate pudding.
For the dinner party I had on saturday, I made my first pork loin roast - WOW. Never had jucier and more flavorful pork! It was an Emeril recipie, so of course everything had an unholy amount of ingredients, but I would readily make it again for a special occasion, and the pork itself was really easy, it was just the rice dressing and glaze that were time consuming. Even that would have been less so if I had the use of more than one burner. *cry*.
Ok, enough about food. I also got Trivial Pursuit (Edition 6) from Santa. Now, I like to think I'm pretty good at trivia, but this game kicked my buns. Made a few New Years resolutions, but the most interesting one is probably to get outside more often. That'll be a lot easier once we're in Frederick, but I also want to take advantage of our proximity to DC for our last few weeks in Greenbelt.
Saw "The Holiday" with Diana last Thursday, which was quite nice and had really great performances from Kate Winslet and Jude Law (plus a little apperence of Jim from The Office!!) Saw the trailer for Fantastic Four 2, which seems to be pointing toward a trilogy - can anyone say GALACTUS? Sweeeet. Also looking foward to 300, and I'm sure a number of other movies that I'm not thinking of right now. Danny got Superman Returns for Christmas, and I really enjoyed watching it again. I'm not sure if I liked the movie so much because I thought it was going to be bad, but regardless it's really nicely done. Too bad B. Sin couldn't have done X3 as well.
Currently reading a Christmas present from my Dad, Ric Edelman's "The Truth about Money (3rd Edition)". Highly reccomended for anyone like me that has no idea what the difference between a Bull and a Bear is.
I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful holiday, and I wish everyone a fantastic 2007!!
current mood:  chipper
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| Sunday, December 10th, 2006
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10:08 pm - Subtlety and Fantasy
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I'm about 60 hours in to FFXII right now, and I'm thoroughly impressed. The fact that the game's foundation is the combat rather than the plot is refreshing and addictive. I find it interesting, however, to note that people are bemoaning the lack of romance in the game. Then again, I may be seeing what I want to see, but here comes the theory! (10 points if you can guess where this is going!!!)
The game that is most easily comperable to XII in every way save the fantastic graphics is *drumroll* VI. I say this for many surface reasons, but probably the easiest one to argue is the lack of a true main character. And before we had Cloud making his choice between a dead chick and a braindead chick (OOOOHHH!! THAT'S RIGHT, I WENT THERE!!!), we had Locke making a choice of a different sort.
I find it amazing upon looking at fansites and wiki that people think the love story started with FF7. There were many poingant moments between Locke and Celes in 6 that stood on their own without graphics to help them along. Besides being rescued, the visit backstage at the operahouse, them holding on to each other as the airship was torn asunder, the suicide attempt and the bandanna...come ON, people!!! "Oh, she found the will to live again because her friend was alive!" Sure, sure. Ok, how about the intertwined endings? This was a relationship that was powerful, but only if you were paying attention. I believe their story has stuck with me so well because of that unfinished tension - who has time to hook up when the world's about to end?
Now, here we are with XII, and I'm noticing some similar tendancies - they're even less noticable, but I'm fairly certain a relationship between Ashe and Baltheir is being implied. I have seen nothing about this in my websearching so far, but I guess I'm not surprised. If you're still playing, keep your eyes open for me, see if you agree.
The biggest reason in my mind why the love/emotions are more absent in this game than VI has been the soundtrack, though. Seriously, would you have cried at the end of X without that gorgeous rendition of "To Zanerkand", fully orchestrated for the first time? Holy crap, gets me every time. Would Aeris' death meant nearly as much witout her simple theme (which was, by the way, just a variation on Celes' - listen for yourself!). The most memorable theme in XII I've come across is the theme played in Archadia (Jidoor), and I guess that's fitting. But my case would be a lot easier to prove with a lovin' theme!
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| Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
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5:37 pm - Moving on!
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I'm inspired to scribble something down here after dredging the archives for a recipie I recorded here in 2003. It involves bacon, and I feel I really don't need to explain much more. (On a side note, I'd like to let everyone know that I don't believe in regular-cut bacon anymore, as the paper-thin nature is really freaking annoying. Thick cut for the win.)
Less than a week more of regular school, then break, then student teaching. I don't remember if I posted in here where I'm teaching - Middletown High and Centreville Elementary. You do half the semester at one and half at the other. Exciting, but also scary. I had my last voice lesson with Delores today, which was heart-breaking. I remember telling people in late High School that I was going to get a Music Ed degree because you can teach or perform with it, as opposed to a performance degree. Now I find myself wishing I had focused more on the performance aspect - going back to Frederick feels like a fish being taken out of a big pond and put into a smaller (albiet somewhat more comfortable) one. I'm gonna work on some coluratura arias on my own though, and possibly enter into a voice competition in the spring; if I want to get more serious about performing I need to start motivating myself to practice on my own without any kind of deadline to work towards. Hopefully I'll find time even with all the teaching stuff going on.
I'm sad that my Dinosaurs class is going to be over soon (SO awesome) but I'm ready to be done with English and Ed. There's been a lack of feedback in those classes that I'm probably not entirely blameless for. I still battle with guilt and perfectionism and all that nonsense on an almost daily basis; I am just trying to be thankful for what I do have and work through the obstacles placed before me.
Final Fantasy XII is a very good game. It harkens back to an earlier time, and it's nice to really enjoy the combat and strategy aspect of a game again. I don't remember feeling that way since probably 8 with the junction system. My only motivation for X was the cutscenes, and granted, the plot in that game was fantastic. XII seems to suffer from the opposite - the plot is good, I like the political nature of the story, but I really could stand for some more character development. That, by the way, does not neccesarily transfer to "love story" (even though Balthier totally needs to be hitting Ashe.) The likelihood of my chars reaching 99 is pretty high at this point though, and no, I won't be using that damn cheat to get there (*coughJsincough*.)
Went to Columbia Mall on Saturday with Mom and K-Dawg. We ate at the Cheesecake Factory there, which I HIGHLY reccomend. The menu was expansive, everything we sampled from it was very good, the atmosphere was gorgeous. It looked like something you might find in Orlando, in terms of over-the-top decoration (I don't mean that in a bad way). I got the bananna cream cheesecake; I swear, anytime I get a dessert with bananna in it, it's an instant 'gasm. Holy crap.
The mall itself was really fab too - it had FIVE anchor stores, which is unheard of. Be that as it may, it only really needed one store, and that store is New York and Co.. We spent about 2 hours in there, and Santa was done for me. Gotta get some teachin' clothes, ya know.
I'm hosting a little dinner party after Christmas for some of the old High School clique (ha!), I'm starting to think out what kind of deliciousness I'll be cooking up. I know I want a pork loin to be involved (that's true pretty much all of the time).
My Grandma and Grandpa moved from Damascus to Hanover, PA the other week. This was pretty devistating - their new place is really really nice and all, but Grandma's house is no longer Grandma's house - she had a really beautiful yard, and there was just a distinctive smell, and the wallpapers...sigh. I'm just glad I don't have to pack up as much stuff as they did when we move!
Did I mention we got an apartment in Frederick? *checks*
Yeah, lookin' like a no. We got an apartment in Frederick, in a development behind the new movie theatre on 85. I'm excited to move back, especially to see more of Matt and Terri and Justin and Jess, hopefully. Oh, and Syd. Let's not forget Syd.
Alright, I've rambled on long enough. Happy holidays everyone; may you have cookies and chocolate aplenty!
current mood: content
current music: Nam-Yensa Sandsea Music from FFXII - on loop for about 2 hours now, THANKS DANNY.
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| Saturday, October 7th, 2006
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7:51 pm - Rastlose life!
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It's been a busy, busy past few weeks! I had my senior recital last friday, which was highly enjoyable for me - thank you very much again to everyone who came out! Makes me think seriously about my choice of major, having that much fun performing - but I'm sure I'll find a way to have my cake and eat it too. It becomes more and more challenging to stay optimistic about becoming a music teacher. I'm sure that a lot of it has to do with a kind of weeding-out factor within the program, and I'm sure it also has to do with the reality of having to self-motivate throughout life. I'm faced with the task of writing a "manifesto" for English on Tuesday, so maybe I'll dredge up some optimisim for that :).
So, right now there are 10 men in my basement, as Danny's LAN party is in full swing. It's going a lot better than I thought it would - I figured I would need to run away to keep my sanity, but I seem to be getting by with a bag of milano cookies just fine. Andrew the O made an irish beer and beef stew in the crock pot today, so the delicous smell of yeast and meat has been filling the house for the past four hours - a nice perk! We're certainly making a daring effort to be more social, it seems - we're having a huge arse Halloween Party on the 28th, and I'm trying to get together the good old high school clique for some kind of X-mas din din thang.
Now that the recital is over, the next thing on my mind is the Praxis II on the sat. before Thanksgiving - this is the test I have to pass before I student teach, it's all music-y content knowledge stuff. I think I'll do fine, but I certainly can't just phone it in. I should find out my placements for student teaching within the next few weeks, though - exciting!
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| Thursday, September 7th, 2006
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10:01 am - Opera for the masses?
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Opera in the new digital age
I'm curious to know what people not in a school of music think of this? Would you plunk down the price of a movie ticket to see Renee Fleming perform an opera at the met?
Discuss.
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| Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
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3:41 pm - Peer Pressure
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1. Pick 20 of your favorite movies.
2. Then pick one of your favorite quote/s
from each movie.
3. Post the quotes in your journal.
4. Have those on your
friends list to guess what the movie is.
5. Either strike out the quote once
it has been correctly identified, or place the guesser's user name directly
after the quote.
( Read more... )
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| Monday, August 14th, 2006
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12:18 am - Two and some change
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It'll be nice to call myself a 'college senior'. Mmm. Similarly to Kyle's proverbial money, it feels so good on my skin.
Not much going on lately, I'll be finishing my epic recounting of the honeymoon at some point here. Mostly lately I've been on some really odd housecleaning kick - it was like, one day, I woke up and said "I think I'll clean!" Kind of like when Forrest Gump ran across the country for a few years, I've just kept going. Who knows how long this'll last.
Two and a half weeks until skool starts! I get to take a class on dinosaurs!!!
I think someone should put out a PSA telling folks to limit their myspace homepage aspirations to something that can actually load. Important stuff.
Married life is good so far. Haven't really had many moments where it was like, whoa, things are different! I did get to say "my husband's car broke down today!" (it did.)
...I just saw a commercial, that LITERALLY led in with:
"If you were alone on the moon, how would you charge your iPod???" God, please give me a web address...come on...2 easy payments of $19.95!! argh! no website?
My moon voyage is ruined.
We -may- be having a halloween party. I can't really think about it until after my recital, but it's pretty likely. Start working on those costumes.
We went to Dave and Buster's last night for Andrew D's 21st B-day. I rocked at the trivia game. I had a necklace of tickets. I'll post the picture soon.
Blah Blah Blah!! :)
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| Monday, August 7th, 2006
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12:55 pm - More to come
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More honeymoon adventures to come, but for now, I posted a review of the concert Danny took me to for my birthday at his website, http://www.critical-hits.com/ . Enjoy!
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| Friday, August 4th, 2006
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12:28 am - Honeymoon, Day 3 - July 4th, 2006
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| Friday, July 28th, 2006
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1:29 am - H-moon con't
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Hmmkay, let's see...( Read more... )
Honeymoon pictures are up (in reverse order) at www.flickr.com/photos/rebecca_rupp
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| Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
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1:25 am - Da Weddin' - Part TWO
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| Friday, July 14th, 2006
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4:25 pm - Mrs. Rebecca Rupp
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| Thursday, May 18th, 2006
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5:34 pm - The song that never ends
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Finished up yet another semester today. I really feel like I put in a sub-par level of effort for most everything I did, but I can never tell if I'm being way too critical of myself. Usually, if I take the mean of what I think vs. what Danny says, it's about right. So, this time next year I'll be graduating, and I only really have one more semester of 'real' class (as next spring I'll be student teaching). Yet, it's been five long years since I graduated from high school. Though many things have changed in my college years, I am so ready for them to be over already!
It's going to be an exciting rest of the year though - obvy with the whole honeymo-..I mean, WEDDING thing. I've also got my senior recital in the fall (Sept. 29th, to be exact), AND the added bonus of taking the class about dinosaurs in the fall as my last gen-ed requirement. Certain advantages to being a super-senior!
I was looking through my high school yearbooks today - it's fun to read all of the notes, though some of the inside jokes are lost on me now (Jon, what the heck was 'Butter' all about?) A lot of people wrote about how good of a person I was - non-judgemental, inspirational, and focused on music. I don't know how much of that was true, but I wonder if people still see me the same way. High school had a lot of nice simplicity - it's easy to know that you're good at music when you're one of 300 people with talents all across the academic spectrum, but when you're in school with people who are just music folk, it's hard to have that niche. I wonder if when I start teaching some of that special feeling will come back? Maybe some more of the passion, too.
I hope to take a bit more ownership of my musical development this summer, however, as I need to prepare for my recital and really beef up my piano skills. It seems one skill I have yet to really learn is discipline, and it's becoming my new keyword. I seem to have done alright in gaining some in my eating and grooming habits (a wedding will do that, I guess). My goal is to pratice every day - maybe I won't get much done, and maybe I won't spend as much time as I'd like, but I seem to have issues with setting my sights so high that I cannot hope to achieve them, and just give up instead.
To end on a more fun note - dude, those Bird's Eye Steamfresh vegetables are my new fav thing. 5 minutes in the microwave, pour on to plate, consume. I'm making fake sweet and sour chicken tonight, with a pot of rice, a frozen tyson chicken breat patty, some shewy-sowah sauce from a jar, and the veggies - snow peas, water chestnuts, broccoli and carrots. 20 minutes, and most of that is just the rice and chicken cooking. So easy and nummy.
...or, we might go out to eat, since I'm done skool. Hmm. Oh well, I win either way :)
Hope everyone's doing well!
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| Thursday, May 11th, 2006
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8:00 pm - Crucial Update
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Danny Rupp is a sux0rz bitchface.
That is all. You may return to your regularly scheduled friends page.
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| Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
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10:41 am - Is that a bird, orrr....
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| Sunday, March 12th, 2006
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9:22 pm - 07/01/2006
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We set a date for our wedding! Yaaayyyyyy!!!!
It's going to be a smaller kinda shindig at my parent's church hall, but my mom and I are already coming up with good ideas for how to make the reception nice on the cheap. I've got my dress (IM me if you want a link to the picture, don't want to tempt Danny :P ), and Krisy's got her maid of honor dress. Lots and lots of stuff to do in the coming months. More stuff to come, I'm sure...
!!!
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